A personal choice

I met some friends the other day and they told me that a mutual friend of ours, someone my age, just gave birth to her first child. Then they proceed to ask me when will it be my turn. Truth be told, although I love to hug and cuddle babies, although my heart melts whenever I see adorable babies smile, although I feel the urge to care for young children, although I feel warm all inside when I see parents bonding with their babies, I know from way back, even before I got married that I do not need to have children of my own.

In fact, right after I have gotten married, many well-meaning friends, relatives and acquaintances asked me when do I plan to have children. I answered them politely that I plan not to have any children. Some would snigger and say, "well, you'll change your mind after a while when your maternal instinct kicks in and you'll feel the urge to have children. You'll yearn to have them so badly that you'll feel the pain cutting through your heart." They then say to me, "if you leave it for too long, you may never be able to have children that easily as your biological clock never stops ticking, you will grow too old to have children easily. You will then need to undergo expensive invasive medical procedures just to conceive so please don't wait. You'll regret it later."

What they do not know is that I did not give my answer on a whim. In fact before my marriage, I thought long and hard about this question. I sought my partner's thoughts on this too as I know that a marriage will not work if one spouse wanted children and the other did not. Fortunately both of us agree that having children is not something that we could not live without.

I strongly believe that to have or not to have children is a personal choice. No woman should be coerced, threatened or pressured into bearing children if she is not willing or not ready to do so, not by her husband, parents-in-law nor even her own parents.

I also believe that people should be able to have as many children as they want as long as they are committed to bear the responsibility of bringing up their children to be happy and well-adjusted adults. They should also be ready to meet the requirements of their children financially, physically and emotionally. They need to understand that children are human beings with their own rights, with their own feelings and needs. Children need to be loved and cared for in a stable home.

There is no one particular strong reason why I choose not to have children. It is just that I do not see why I should have children.
Some of the questions and comments that I get from people when they know that I choose not to have children are as below and I have also put in my answers to them.

1. Aren't you curious to know who your children will look like?

I do not have a need to create a new human being from myself and my spouse just to satisfy our curiosity on who they will look like.

2. Don't you love children?

I do and my love for children could be put to good use by me helping out with caring for the children of my relatives.

3. Who will care for you when you are old?

I think it is very unfair to have children just because the parents are afraid that no one will take care of them when they are old. It is a burden to the child to be born just to be a carer and to be the sole provider for the parents during old age.

Save and invest wisely when young so that one can take care of oneself when old. Strive to stay healthy when old by eating healthily and exercise regularly when young.

4. Who will carry on your spouse's family name?

Can someone explain to me why is there a need for someone to carry on any family name?

5. Having a child will complete you. You cannot be considered a woman until you become a mother.

I do not believe that being a mother is a woman's highest calling. There are many other things for a woman to do apart from giving birth and being a mother.

6. Having children is the natural next step after getting married.

One do not have to follow the well-trodden path.

7. We need young workers to replace the old.

Just extend the retirement age. Many old people are still healthy and are still happy to work.

8. Your country needs more {insert race here} so you need to contribute to the {insert race here} population.

I am not a racist.

9. You are missing out on some of the most fulfilling experiences in life.

Being pregnant, giving birth and raising children are experiences that I do not mind not having.

10. How can you be so cruel as to deny your children the joy of living.

How can someone who does not exist in this world (i.e. my children) be denied of anything?

11. Nothing can beat the wonderful feeling of hearing your biological children say that they love you.

I do not mind not having that wonderful feeling.

12. Your children will bring such joy to your life. Having them in your life will motivate you to work harder and give you energy to work that you never imagine that you have. You will have a purpose in life.

Do you mean to say that you have no motivation to work hard, no energy to work and no purpose in life before having your own children? For me, I do not need to have my own children to give me all the above.

Those are about all the comments that I can remember. May all the children on earth have a happy childhood and grow up to be well-adjusted adults!