Who is in the wrong?

Like many others out there, I am now watching (or rather glancing at the TV now and then whenever it is on) the two latest TVB drama series: "Beyond the Realm of Conscience (宫心计)" and "Born Rich (富贵门)". Between the two of them, I prefer the latter due to one of its subplot. In fact, I only watch the TV when this subplot is on. I totally ignore the main plot of the imposter brother.

Source: Pictures above are wallpapers taken from TVB.com

The subplot I am referring to is the relationship between one of the lead characters, Marcus, and his wife, Connie and his ex-girlfriend/mistress, Angie. There are heated debates on this subplot in many of the TV discussion forums but I do not want to join in the debate so I will just talk about it here.

For the benefit of those not watching this series, I will just give some spoilers here up to episode 24 on this subplot alone but if you are planning to watch this drama later, please do not read the words in italic below.

Marcus is married to Connie and they have one daughter and one son. Years ago, when Connie was engaged to be married to Marcus, they had an argument (details about the argument were not mentioned) and she went to UK to be with her parents. In that time that she was away, Marcus dated Angie (it was unclear whether or not Marcus did that because he thought Connie has broken off with him). Then Connie returned and reconciled with Marcus and wanted to proceed with the wedding. At that time Marcus told Angie that he would find the right time to break off with Connie but he kept delaying it until only one day was left before the wedding so Angie couldn't take it anymore and broke off with Marcus. Then Angie left HK and went to UK.

Back to the present, Angie returned to HK and found that she still loves Marcus. She couldn't stop herself from secretly loving him and savouring every moment spent with him. Initially Marcus was faithful to his wife and resisted Angie's advances. Then he was kidnapped and tortured until he wets himself but was rescued by Connie. He was traumatised and his ego suffered when he still wets himself after being rescued. Connie didn't know how to deal with it and pretended that nothing was amissed causing Marcus to feel estranged from her. Meanwhile Angie was there to boost Marcus' ego so Marcus seeks solace in her arms. At the end of episode 24, each on their own, independently, Marcus and Connie came to the decision to divorce each other.

I like to watch this subplot because I can really feel for the two women. How sickly romantic and twisted it is for Angie to secretly love Marcus and to revel in every moment when working together. How happy and sweet Angie felt when Marcus seeks comfort from her.

How painful and heartbreaking it is for Connie at the exact moment when she saw her husband kissing another woman at a time when she least expected it. How stupid, foolish and betrayed she must have felt for not suspecting it. How helpless and powerless she must have felt knowing that there is nothing she can do to salvage her marriage.

I know this is only make believe but I do believe that in real life, these things do happen and there is absolutely nothing the wife can do about it. So who is in the wrong here? Nobody because everyone has a right to seek their own happiness at the expense of others if they are prepared to face the consequences.

However, nobody is wrong does not mean that no one is to be blamed. The only one I can fault here is Marcus. This is because he violated his wedding vows to stay faithful to his wife. Angie has no social obligation to honour Marcus and Connie's marriage vows although she should have a moral conscience not to break up the couple.

Connie has my utmost sympathy because there is absolutely nothing, nothing at all she can do to save her marriage. She can't boost her husband's ego when he was depressed because she was there when he was at his lowest point - wetting himself so IMHO, whenever he sees Connie, he sees himself wetting himself so the only way she could help him feel good about himself is to remove herself from his sight. She triggers his memory of the terrible ordeal (this is my opinion only - the drama does not explicitly explained it this way). I think she is better off not being the one who rescued him.

However, there are a few times where Marcus wanted to really talk to her about their problems but she walked away because she was afraid to face changes. So I guess she too has to bear a bit of responsibility for the total breakdown of her relationship with her husband.

Anyway, this series has not ended yet. There are many more episodes to go. Who knows, in the end, Marcus may still go back to Connie. Many viewers choose sides - they are either for "Marcus and Connie" or "Marcus and Angie" pairing. I on the other hand, don't mind either one. I just like to watch how they handle the situation.

If I were Connie, I would also divorce Marcus because if you love someone and that someone loves someone else, you should set them free, no point holding on to someone who loves somebody else more. But it is easier said than done. I hope I will never be in a situation like Connie but who knows what curve balls life will throw at us, we can never tell in advance. Que Sera Sera.

Of soups and congee

Since early September this year, we have been eating out for every meal. It was either the mamak stalls or economy rice stalls or 大 炒 (literal translation = big stirfry) stalls. One of us loves Cantonese style soups (炖汤) and congee therefore recently we redeemed the following three items using our credit card reward points that we have been accumulating for a few years:



This is the first rice cooker owned by us. It will be used to cook congee. Before this, we just cook rice using our microwave or on our previous built-in gas hob.

The slow cooker will be used to cook soups and stews. The size is just right for a two-person meal to be finished in one sitting. I do not like to keep leftovers in the fridge because food kept there tend to be forgotten and will stay there forever.

The induction cooker will be used mainly for boiling eggs, cooking instant noodles and steaming vegetables. I do not know in detail how an induction cooker works but plan to read it up on the Internet. All I know is that it uses magnetic waves and if a magnet can stick to the bottom of a cookware, then the cookware can be used on the induction cooker. Among all the existing cookware that we own, the magnet only stick to the bottom of one steamer pot.

We do not have a gas stove because we only cook once in a blue moon so we do not see a need for it and furthermore I am afraid of cooking gas leakage. In my previous kitchen, I used to smell cooking gas whenever I open the kitchen cabinet door where the cooking gas tank was stored. We also do not own a wok. I am strictly against 大 炒 at home because of the amount of oil and fumes generated.

When we start to use these items, I will monitor our electricity consumption. If these items use too much electricity, we may need to get ourselves a gas stove. Now when would we start cooking?

Third time lucky

When I got to UK, I wanted to work as soon as possible so while I sent out job applications for IT related work, I signed up to work as a warehouse hand, earning GBP4.5 per hour, removing items from boxes and repacking them. It was repetitive, backbreaking hard work. I worked there for two weeks and then left when the job agency found me a two-week office temp work. There, I was assigned to import data from an Excel spreadsheet into a MS-Access database.

I then answered an ad looking for technical support staff in the local newspaper and was asked to go for an interview. The CEO of the company who interviewed me is only one year older than I am. It was a local IT company with about 10 employees and a branch in US. I was then offered the job with a decent salary. Happily I accepted the position and worked in this company until the day I left UK to return to my birthplace.

Photos:

my seat at work; dinner with co-workers,

view from my window - my spouse to pick me up, the row of shops opposite the building where I worked.

A try that lasted 18 years

18 years ago, a boy and I entered into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. We were coursemate in a local northern Uni and were in our first semester, first year. We found out that we came from two adjacent housing areas in KL and our secondary schools were located closely to each other and we have mutual friends so we often get together to talk. Soon we were spending more and more time together, studying and revising our coursework. It was purely friendship. Nearing the end of the 1st semester, during exam time, our other coursemates started teasing us about being an item.

As we were just friends, I was not comfortable about being romantically linked to a boy when there was nothing romantic going on in our friendship. I just like talking to him and as he is not talkative, he is happy to let me do all the talking. So one day before our last exam paper, I raised this issue.

I told him that we should not spend so much time together anymore in order to stop the rumours of us being a couple from spreading. That was when he suggested that we give it a try. After thinking about it for a while, I agreed as I feel comfortable being just myself with him so I thought why not.

So that was the start of our boy-girl relationship. He is my first boyfriend and he is also my last boyfriend when his status with me is converted to spouse after being together as boyfriend-girlfriend for 8 long years but I do not believe we were made for each other because I do not believe that couples are made in heaven. Relationship that works require full commitment from each party. There were ups and downs but we manage to work through our differences and stay focus on our happy times.

This year, we celebrated our 18th anniversary of being a couple by moving to our new dwelling and having a 3-dish dinner at a nearby non-airconditioned restaurant. Is this date more important than our wedding date? It is equally important to me. Can most people remember when they officially become a couple with their spouses and how it happened? I like to think so. How many more years do we have, I can only wonder.

Till death do us part?

One day, while surfing the net, I came across the following question:

"If you were given a choice, would you prefer to die

a) before your spouse,
b) after your spouse or
c) at the same time as your spouse"

At that time, my answer was a) I would prefer to die before my spouse. This is because I do not want to bear the pain of living without him. But now I've changed my mind. I've decided to choose b). I would prefer to die after my spouse because I would like to be there to see him off on his final journey.

As for c), I don't think I have what it takes to choose to die together as some couples devoted to each other had done or plan to do. The following news articles about these couples bring tears to my eyes.

Healthy Vancouver woman wants to die beside her ailing husband
..
Betty Coumbias, an elderly Vancouver resident, has indicated she wants to die alongside her husband, George, who suffers from severe heart disease.
..
Mr. Coumbias declined comment on the topic, saying by e-mail that he and his wife are refusing interviews.

But a 2007 documentary on Dignitas by John Zaritsky, an Oscar-winning Canadian filmmaker, followed the couple, both 71 at the time, in their initial attempts to arrange a joint assisted suicide.

Mrs. Coumbias explains in the documentary, The Suicide Tourist, why she would take her own life despite being generally healthy.

"From the day we got married, [my husband] was all my life," she tells Mr. Minelli. "I love my two daughters, but I love him more, and I don't think I can face life without him, and since we read about Dignitas, we felt what would be better than to die together, you know, to die in each other's arms?"
..
- Tom Blackwell, National Post
Monday, April 13, 2009

Conductor Sir Edward Downes and wife end lives..
..
The couple's family said that they decided to end their lives together after struggling with serious health problems.

Lady Downes, 74, is understood to have been suffering with cancer while Sir Edward, 85, had become virtually blind and suffered loss of hearing.
..
-Telegraph.co.uk
Published: 8:13AM BST 14 Jul 2009

Pair die together..
..
Peter and Penelope Duff, from Bath, ended their lives at the Dignitas clinic in Zurich last Friday.

Their daughter Helena Conibear said her father, who was 80, and her mother, who was 70, had "passed away peacefully together" at the centre.
..
- BBC News
Published: 22:31 GMT, Thursday, 5 March 2009

UK couple die ..
A British couple suffering from chronic illnesses have died at a Swiss clinic, following an apparent suicide pact.
..
Mr Stokes, 59, suffered from epilepsy and his 53-year-old wife from diabetes and back problems, but neither was thought to have been terminally ill.
..
- BBC News
Published: Tuesday, 15 April, 2003, 17:33 GMT

I would often ask myself, when the end is near, will I then change my mind again and make the same decision as they did? Again, only time will tell.

Saving by cooking

My partner and I cooked almost all of our meals when we were living in Newbury because eating out was very, very expensive. I even skinned a whole chicken once and took photos as proof :-) as that was my one and only time.


To make it interesting, I did my best to keep the whole skin and whole chicken intact. I did it by looking up instructions on how to skin a chicken from the web. I like my chicken soup to be not so oily therefore the skin and fat must go.

Now, I no longer cook as I do not like to cook. After 4 years of cooking, I have had enough. Perhaps one day, I may discover the joy of cooking. When that happens, I will of course blog about it here but I do not think that day will come.

Mooncake festival

The mooncake festival falls on today. When I was young, my family used to celebrate the mooncake festival (mid-autumn festival) at night by setting up a table with loads of food in the garden, under the gaze of the bright round moon. There would be red bean and lotus mooncakes, water caltrops (菱角, língjiǎo ), taro(芋头), pomelo, agar-agar and drinks. Back then there weren't many types of mooncakes, unlike now where vendors try to outdo one another with all sorts of fillings - green tea, dragonfruit, toffee, chocolate, coffee, yam, sesame - for the mooncakes.

We, the children would play with lanterns and candles. I would light up rows and rows of candles on our iron main gate. Whenever a candle flame has been blown out by the wind, I would quickly light up the candle again. When all the candles have burned away, I would collect the wax residue and mold them into various shapes. It was really fun playing with the candles.

When hunger struck, we would eat those delicious food under the moonlight while admiring the full moon. My mother would then tell us the various stories about the origins of this festival. Sometimes we would join other children in parading our lanterns around the village. I couldn't remember exactly the last time I celebrated the mooncake festival this way. I can safely say that I have not celebrated mooncake festival for about 20 years now.

Only children can truly savour and treasure the magical world of lanterns, candles and moonlight. So to all the children out there celebrating mooncake festival, may all of you enjoy this day to the fullest and let your imagination run wild with the stories of Houyi, Chang-er, the rabbit in the moon and many others.