Sunday, October 18, 2009

Till death do us part?

One day, while surfing the net, I came across the following question:

"If you were given a choice, would you prefer to die

a) before your spouse,
b) after your spouse or
c) at the same time as your spouse"

At that time, my answer was a) I would prefer to die before my spouse. This is because I do not want to bear the pain of living without him. But now I've changed my mind. I've decided to choose b). I would prefer to die after my spouse because I would like to be there to see him off on his final journey.

As for c), I don't think I have what it takes to choose to die together as some couples devoted to each other had done or plan to do. The following news articles about these couples bring tears to my eyes.
Healthy Vancouver woman wants to die beside her ailing husband
..
Betty Coumbias, an elderly Vancouver resident, has indicated she wants to die alongside her husband, George, who suffers from severe heart disease.
..
Mr. Coumbias declined comment on the topic, saying by e-mail that he and his wife are refusing interviews.

But a 2007 documentary on Dignitas by John Zaritsky, an Oscar-winning Canadian filmmaker, followed the couple, both 71 at the time, in their initial attempts to arrange a joint assisted suicide.

Mrs. Coumbias explains in the documentary, The Suicide Tourist, why she would take her own life despite being generally healthy.

"From the day we got married, [my husband] was all my life," she tells Mr. Minelli. "I love my two daughters, but I love him more, and I don't think I can face life without him, and since we read about Dignitas, we felt what would be better than to die together, you know, to die in each other's arms?"
..
- Tom Blackwell, National Post
Monday, April 13, 2009


Conductor Sir Edward Downes and wife end lives..
..
The couple's family said that they decided to end their lives together after struggling with serious health problems.

Lady Downes, 74, is understood to have been suffering with cancer while Sir Edward, 85, had become virtually blind and suffered loss of hearing.
..
-Telegraph.co.uk
Published: 8:13AM BST 14 Jul 2009


Pair die together..
..
Peter and Penelope Duff, from Bath, ended their lives at the Dignitas clinic in Zurich last Friday.

Their daughter Helena Conibear said her father, who was 80, and her mother, who was 70, had "passed away peacefully together" at the centre.
..
- BBC News
Published: 22:31 GMT, Thursday, 5 March 2009


UK couple die ..
A British couple suffering from chronic illnesses have died at a Swiss clinic, following an apparent suicide pact.
..
Mr Stokes, 59, suffered from epilepsy and his 53-year-old wife from diabetes and back problems, but neither was thought to have been terminally ill.
..
- BBC News
Published: Tuesday, 15 April, 2003, 17:33 GMT

I would often ask myself, when the end is near, will I then change my mind again and make the same decision as they did? Again, only time will tell.

13 comments:

  1. I want to be first before my hubby.

    My dad died before my mom, she is constantly living in depression until like recently, which is 1.5 years after the incident. It's very very heart aching.

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  2. I think it's impossible to die together peacefully. Sometimes I think that the surviving one is suffering once the partner left is because he/she never wants to let go of the other. Suffering begins when one holds too tight. But letting go is forever so hard to do in life. Sigh!

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  3. humm......I rather die bfor my spouse, it's too painful to see yr love one goes, and is not possible to forget even if it does it take a long long time.

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  4. if there is a choice, i will go for (c), while holding arms together.

    just a while ago i was thinking... if i am given a wish, what would i ask for... it wont be money...

    it will be to grow old with my wife and die together.

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  5. ... that got me thinking... i cant decide either... but either a) or b) sure one of the party will get hurt.. but c) is totally out of the question. I'm too chicken to die "die with my love one". so... who die first also same. just treasure the times you have together lar... now.. i must go ask my parents about this question... see what they answer me... ^.^

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  6. I used to tell 'the husband' this: Darling, make sure u dont die before me ya..

    But now, it doesnt matter. Come what may.

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  7. Elizebeth D.L., I'm so sorry for your lost. From what I read from your blog, your father was a good professor. Your letter to him was so touching.

    Jennifer, you are so right. It is really hard to let go of someone one loves.

    "ME N MY MILLION DOLLAR", I agree with you that it is near to impossible to forget.

    zewt, your wish is definitely better than all the money in the world.

    ApRil TaY, so did you ask your parents? What is their answer?

    Redbabe, what changed your mind?

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  8. my mom is undecided.. she say very hard lar... daddy aso same... then he summor say i think too much... but i think till now they are still thinking about it lar...

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  9. April, I hope your parents didn't scold you for asking this question. :)

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  10. What changed my mind? I guess the sequence doesnt really matter in the end. Physical being is just a confirmation of the memories we built. As long as we live each day together happily, cherishing the time we had, there will be no regret when death comes as the seed of death is already been planted the day we were brought to life.

    So, what's the point of feeling sad or even brooding about something we dont even have a choice in the first place?

    Afterall, death is not the end but a beginning. Should I die first, I'll be waiting to welcome him on the other side when it is finally his turn. Likewise, if he were to go first, I can be rest assured that he will be there to welcome me when my time is up. :)

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  11. Redbabe, wise words indeed. The only thing certain in life is death. All living things must die one day.

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  12. i'll prefer (b) as i'm the sole beneficiary of his assets & mega insurance policies :)

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  13. Anonymous, very smart to choose (b) then. ;)

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